It's going to be a hard week.....

It was not a good weekend. My mother suddenly died on Saturday. For all of you who know about my relationship with my mother, this hasn't been an easy thing (see my first blog for understanding). My sister called me on Saturday morning and told me my mother had been in the hospital all night and they thought she had pnuemonia. Then in the middle of the night the nurses called and told my sister that my mom wasn't doing very well and that she thought they were her daughters. So that morning the Dcotor called and told my sister that she didn't have much longer because her blood pressure was very low. She had a clot in her aorta and fluid around her heart that they couldn't drain because they feared she would die. So my sister and I left to go to the hospital, she lives closer than I do. Neither of us made it in time. She passed right before we got there. I was so glad to have my husband with me. I don't know how I would have made it through that day without him. I was completely shocked because I didn't expect it so soon. We knew that she had cancer, which she denied, but we never expected it to come so quickly. It's hard to say exactly how I feel. Of course I'm upset because she is my mother, and my only living parent, but at the same time I am almost relieved because I knew she had problems and she wasn't a happy person. She didn't enjoy life and I think she wanted to go for quite a while. My sister Karen is extremely upset because she didn't get there in time to say goodbye and she said that "mom died alone." I told her not to be upset. Even if we were there chances are she wouldn't have recognozed us. And she didn't die alone. The Doctor and nurses were there with her. It might not have been one of us, but at least she had someone with her. I just hope that wherever she went, she has some peace and her soul rests. I prefer to think of her seeing my father again and smiling. That's the way I will think of her.