Some good things and some bad things....

First the good. I got a job on a different team at my company. I am hoping it will be less stress. It's similar to what I did when I first started working there, and I remember that job was a LOT less stressful than the one I am doing now. People have been coming and going on my team and I am just tried of the stress of having to worry how the work is going to get done. I thought about it a lot when I was on disability and so when I finally went back to work I decided to apply, and I got it!

Second good news! I applied some months ago on the American Cancer Society website to be a Celebration/Legislative Ambassador and I was chosen! I am very excited about it. I get to go to Washington in September to march on Capitol hill and speak with legislators about breast cancer bills and research funding. Cool! Plus I get to go to NYC for training in July. I think it's cool. It makes me feel like I am actually doing something to help other women.

I went this week and joined the local Gilda's club. It's a very nice place but I am not sure if I will go back to the wellness group I got hooked up with. It was very depressing and three of them admitted that after they were diagnosed their significant others left them! That was so shocking to me! I can't imagine that. I don't think my husband would ever do that, but one of them was married for 22 years and his wife left him after he was diagnosed. I have to say that there HAD to be some underlying issues there for that to happen. I can't imagine that once you are diagnosed with cancer your spouse of 22 years walks out on you! That freaked me out a little bit. I joined the yoga class there and enjoyed it, so I plan on going back for the fitness classes.

Now for bad news. I have been feeling a bit depressed lately. A few weeks ago I noticed more bumps on my skin at the radiation site and my doctor confirmed that it was the cancer coming back in my skin again. That really got me down. I was starting to feel very fatalistic. My doctor noticed and sent me to a doctor that deals with "end of life issues." Not that I am going to die soon, but the likelihood of me surviving this and living to a ripe old age is getting smaller and smaller. So I saw him and it helped. I cried a lot and felt relieved when I left. He put me on an anit-depressant, which I have just started taking. It doesnt seem too bad. I think it will help.

I'm feeling more optimistic and am hoping that my Xeloda will "work its magic." I did have to speak to my mother because she has tried to smoke in front of me the past few times I was there. She lights up, sits there on the couch, I look at her, then she walks slowly to the bathroom. It pisses me off. So my sister mentioned to her that I don't like coming over because she smokes. She said she wouldn't anymore. We'll see how long that lasts. She was telling me how her friends do SO much for her and take her to doctor appointments (her subtle way of trying to make ME feel guilty for not doing anyting for her). Her friends support her so much and they are like sisters to her. I told her that's good, that's what friends are for. Then she says in her sappy, paritally accusatory voice how, "you don't understand how HARD your cancer has been on me." WHAT?!? Hard on HER? I said well, its been hard on ME too. and she said, "Oh I'm sure it has." DUH. She is so understanding. This coming from a woman who has, in the past, blown smoke in my face, ON PURPOSE, because she knows it bothers me. She is so fake it kills me. It's all about her ALL the time.

Well I should stop because I could go on about her insensitivity forever! Anyway, I'm feeling better again and I hope it continues. I hope everyone who reads this is happy and healthy!